In desperate need of HELP.

[melissa]

Hello Everyone, here is the scoop. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years as of last May. I have kissed 3 guys over the course of 5 years, its awful i know. I regret it. The good part, I met my boyfriend when i was a high school freshman and my boyfriend was a senior. I was 14 and I am now 20 and he is 23. We are 3 years apart. I have made some mistakes along the path but I found that the times I kissed other men, I was away from him which is no excuse, but maybe it was a curiousity factor and to find out if I definetely knew I wanted him and only him and now I know that I do. He has made some mistakes along the way, he never cheated on me, but he did admit to using a sex dating chatline on the phone once our first year going out, also, he has typed sexually to webcam girls once or twice and he has looked a porn before and checked out dating sites. He told me that the dating sites were just for womens reactions. This guy has never physically hurt me. He is always there for me, does anything and i think the world of him. I can't really get too too mad at him for being curious on the internet because at least he didnt act out like I did. Moving along, I went to my first semester at college abotu 3 1/2 hours away from home, I talked to him everyday but it wasnt the same and i was acting totally different by doing things such as drinking and not acting myself. I ended up having an attraction only phsycially to this kid up there, I knew i shouldnt but i ended up having him sleep in my bed and me in his. We only kissed and he fondled my breasts but thats as far as it went. I told my boyfriend and that being the 3rd time I was away from him and cheated on him, he couldnt take it ...soo after valentines day in 07 , he ended it. I was sooo lost without him, I ended up going to see therapy, in the hospital etc. It was awful. He never answered when I would try to call, i sent letters, emails, I went more than crazy trying to apologize. There is no excuse for me hurting him at all but unfornetely, there is nothing I could do about it now. ANYWAYS, when we were split up for a total of approx 3 months, he did whatever, went to canada with his boys, went out i think on a date with one girl but what bothered me the most is........i met this co-worker that he used to work with at his old job. She was about 40 years old and he is 23 so there was quite a difference. Anyways, when we got back together last may 07. We told each other if we had seen or hooked up with anyone when we werent together. i told him that i saw one kid but we only made out even though the kid wanted to go farther. I have only had sex with my current boyfriend so I wouldnt give it up like that. I believe it is when you love someone. He then told me he hooked up with some woman. The woman was an old -co worker from his old job that he used to work at and that I met. She was 40 and he is 23 well he was 22 at the time. UGH, i was disgusted. he told me that he would tell her the problems thta him and I went through etc etc. His last night at his old job, him , his friends and her hung out and drank a couple beers etc. His 2 guy friends got into an argument so he drove them home and he was driving this woman to her apartment complex which happened to be the same place the guys lived at. He told me that she asked him to come up for a minute so he ended up going up there, and sleeping there. He told me he didnt have anymore dranks a lone with her but she made a drink, he sat on her couch, he put his arm around her and then she told him to go to her bed. He went to her bed, grabbed her ass, and it went to that point.They ended up having sex, then waking up later he got head and fingered her then they fell back asleep and he went to his last day of work with her the next morning because she lived so close by. What bothers me is he has only had sex with me for 5 years, and he would give it up so quickly. To this day, it has been a little over a year and i still have wicked bad anxiety. One night, he told me to ask questions that I had for him and that he would answer them even though he didnt have to because..... we were not going out at the time. I asked him how it happened, he told me, even though he couldnt remember if she walked in naked when he was on bed etc. WOULD YOU CONSIDER THAT SHE TOOK ADVANTAGE THAT HE WAS VULNERABLE??? I remember meeting her a long time ago but I dont remember exactly what she looks like. I WANT TO KNOW!.. why do i want to know her, why do i have so many questions. He told me "hunnie, you have no reason to worry, it happened when we werent together, I was nice enough to tell you all the details and your pissing me off because you always analyze and come up with more question, he said i love you, it is in the past, why does it matter and what good is it going to do if you keep asking more questions" AM I OVER ANALYZING....I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE, HOW EVERY DETAIL HAPPENED, HE SAID SHE DIDNT HIT ON HIM BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED, IT JUST HAPPENED, BUT HE DID AND WAS TALKING TO HER AT WORK ABOUT OTHER STUFF AND THE SITUATION which happened with me.... she has an 18 year old kid, i was disgusted....i feel like i cant get the woman out of my head. Another thing that happened...was we have been back together for over a year now like I said...but, he told me he was driving to see me at my new closer to home school that I have been at and his old friend from his old job calledhim to say whats up. My boyfriend said whats up, hows everybody doing and he asked whats new . The guy on the phone said how the woman said how she loves my boyfriend. SHE LOVES HIM, AFTER WORKING AND A 1 NIGHT STAND...My boyfriend says he tells me everything and I believe he has been honest but why do i feel like i want to know more. shouldn't i just let it go . I asked him if she flirted at all when we were together and he said no. THe other thing that bothers me is she was OLD, SHE SMOKED, AND HE SAID NOT REALLY THAT ATTRACTIVE, WHY WOULD HE DO THAT??? IM GOING CRAZY AND ME AND THIS MAN PLAN TO GET MARRIED IN THE FUTURE, WHY AM I SO STUCK ON WONDERING ABOUT EVERY TINY LITTLE DETAIL FROM THE PAST, I GET MY BOYFRIEND REALLY PISSED OFF BECAUSE I KEEP HAVING MORE AND MORE QUESTIONS TO ANSWER....AND HE IS GETTING TIRED OF IT....PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! PS...SORRY SO LONG, I NEEDED TO VENT

[mellissa]

I know how you feel wanting to know every last detail thinking it'll help you get through it. But the truth is now i know the truth it changes my feeling and i dont want that to happen.
This guy wasnt with you and he did that,
You wasnt with him.
The truth is its the old woman who cant let go and move on.You need to move the guy wants to be with you not with someone with a son 5 years younger.
He came back to you after what you did WHILE YOU WAS WITH HIM.
I think you should accpet he wants you and forget the past to just move on and like you said get married.
Good Luck.

[melissa]

hey mellissa, i appreciate your help but I have to admit that some of the sentences in here that you wrote, dont make any sense literally.

what doe.." but the truth is now i know the truth changes my feeling and i dont want that to happen???

and also "" the truth......you need to move the guy wants to be with you not with someone with a son 5 years younger""

who was 5 years younger? she had a daughter my age no sons....he was young enough that maybe he could of been her son

really confused reply that youn sent. You seem to know what your trying to say, help me understand your wording..

Have a nice day!

[mellissa]

sorry its the key board it doesnt type what i press does it sometimes im sorry to confuse you.

its bad that her daughter is your age but you need to think about it he is with you now after what you did to him he still wants YOU not an older smoker,
i think you both should start fresh and try your best's to forget everything you possible can because pushing and pushing him or your self to know and find things out can lead to unhappiness with your relationship. My boyfriend cheated twice as he said he dint know whether he loves me or not but i forgave and it happend again he said it was a mistake but i want to know all the things you want to know and it ended at the point where he said whats done is done we can get through this but only if you want to i cant be with someone who keeps nattering about things that diddnt mean anything.
i know its hard to move on but you need to think about whats worth it in the long run all the truth and possible no guy or forgetting it moving on and getting married living the way everyone should.

thank you you've helped me get over my troubles by me talking to you through this wierd yeas but thank you all the same.
good luck for the future and many happy returns whatever your choice.
x