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Do or do not...
I find it difficult to befriend other females, thus, I am friends with mostly males. The difficulty arises when romantic feelings begin to form. In the past few years, I have lost many good friends because I was not romantically interested in them, they were in myself, and felt the relationship could not continue as friends.
Two years ago I met "Grant", our relationship began as short courting; I had to move across country for 2 months, when I returned, the courting continued for a few months until he moved across country for 5 months. During which we continued to talk and developed a strong friendship, I went to visit and the old flame was rekindled. It was unsure when he would be returning so I left knowing I had to move on. Grant moved back and was eager for a romantic relationship with myself, I was uncomfortable with it and told him so. Grant moved to another city, but we continued to talk, see movies on weekends, and he became one of my best friends.
Grant recently told me that our friendship cannot continue; I either have to agree to a romantic relationship or nothing as it hurts him too much not to be with me. This pained me greatly and I am unsure of what to do. His move is only temporary, however I am taking a trip for two months this summer. I will be finishing up my degree in the fall, the first term may have me moving to a new city for four months and I may have to seek work in another country after convocation in the spring. The constant uprising has caused me to try not to become romantically attached, and I feel that it is not fair to either of us if I break that and then have to uproot myself several times.
Each time I lose a friend it hurts more. I do not wish to lose Grant, and a romantic relationship is possible. As with any relationship, there is the possibility that it works out. However there is also the possibility that entering into a romantic relationship could just prolong the termination of our relationship for a few months and I hurt him even more. I am so tired of hurting others and myself. I don't know what part of me to listen to, the part that doesn't want to let go, or the part that says it will hurt less for both of us if we end our friendship now...
Two years ago I met "Grant", our relationship began as short courting; I had to move across country for 2 months, when I returned, the courting continued for a few months until he moved across country for 5 months. During which we continued to talk and developed a strong friendship, I went to visit and the old flame was rekindled. It was unsure when he would be returning so I left knowing I had to move on. Grant moved back and was eager for a romantic relationship with myself, I was uncomfortable with it and told him so. Grant moved to another city, but we continued to talk, see movies on weekends, and he became one of my best friends.
Grant recently told me that our friendship cannot continue; I either have to agree to a romantic relationship or nothing as it hurts him too much not to be with me. This pained me greatly and I am unsure of what to do. His move is only temporary, however I am taking a trip for two months this summer. I will be finishing up my degree in the fall, the first term may have me moving to a new city for four months and I may have to seek work in another country after convocation in the spring. The constant uprising has caused me to try not to become romantically attached, and I feel that it is not fair to either of us if I break that and then have to uproot myself several times.
Each time I lose a friend it hurts more. I do not wish to lose Grant, and a romantic relationship is possible. As with any relationship, there is the possibility that it works out. However there is also the possibility that entering into a romantic relationship could just prolong the termination of our relationship for a few months and I hurt him even more. I am so tired of hurting others and myself. I don't know what part of me to listen to, the part that doesn't want to let go, or the part that says it will hurt less for both of us if we end our friendship now...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Evan on -
I believe he’s being selfishly unaware of what things are arising through your life, and his. It’s a part of being selfishly thinking of if he doesn’t get what he wants, then nothing can work. He’s not looking at your feelings, and what’s going in for you. I’m sorry, but I think your right on. I think moving back, and forth, and having to prolong the relationship (if it does start) will bring more questions up. I feel like if he loves you enough he’ll wait and see were you, and himself will end up.
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Permalink Reply by tina on
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I realize Im coming in a little late on this discussion,but if the situation still exists...well I think Evan is right on. you dont want to start out a relationship based on only what the guy wants in the first place,he will just keep treating you like that if you let him! he needs to consider how this all effects you like a mature person would,or just go on!good luck
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Permalink Reply by fenix on -
Well an update!
I told him it just wouldn't work right now. He stopped talking to me for about a month! As predicted, I'm living in a new city for 4 months, and right before I left he started talking to me again. He'll be moving across country in January. It was tough when he didnt want to talk, but he seems understanding now that with moving it just wasn't worth it, and its currently going well!
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